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DoNotWant: My Breasts Enlarged!

November 21, 2008

Nor do I appreciate your continual insistence that I CAN afford better breasts.  I also do not need you to keep asking me to claim a nonexistant gift certificate or reminding me that you need nurses.

Okay, I’ll be honest here.  From a strictly vain, measuring-up-to-my-sister standpoint, larger breasts would be nice.  There are a few problems with that, though: one, I can NOT afford larger breasts, despite your claims otherwise, and two, I’ve seen what those things look like.  There’s a word for it: FAKE.  I would much rather have my small, pointy, natural breasts than a pair of round, silicon fakers.

And from a practical standpoint, just NO.  My breasts do a fantastic job of obstructing me during certain tasks as it is.  I do not need them to be larger just so they can do it more.  I also do not need to have to buy larger brassieres right now, nor can I afford the hundreds of dollars worth of liposuction that it would probably take to fix the rest of my body to that my new bigger breasts would actually be worth something.

Thanks, but I’ll pass.

(I do, however, appreciate you advertising to the right demographic this time.  You have no idea how many companies send me e-mails saying that my wife wants it bigger.)

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