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DoNotWant: These gifts for Christmas.

December 9, 2008

Christmas is coming up, and that means that sometime around February, all of my mum’s family will be getting together and exchanging gifts.  It also means that I’m going to end up feigning gratitude for a lot of things that I don’t want, don’t need, or both.

It’s not that I’m not grateful – I am, on some small level.  Because if they really didn’t care, they wouldn’t bother getting me anything at all.  I know that.  But there are some things that I really do not want.

So, inspired by Syera’s blog post, I’ve decided to compile a list of those things here.

  • South Beach/GI Diet/Low-Fat cookbooks.

Yes, I know that I am a health-conscious person who watches what I eat.  I know that you know this, and I appreciate the thought.  But I also know that you know that I am following Atkins, not South Beach or whatever “moderate-carbohydrate, reduced-fat” diet is in vogue these days.  Don’t get me wrong; I love cookbooks.  But I could really use cookbooks for food that I can actually live on.

(To clarify, this isn’t because I’m being snobbish.  It’s because my body has an extremely low carbohydrate-tolerance threshhold.  Higher-carbohydrate food does not work for me at all.)

  • Stuff that you love.

I realize that you are absolutely in love with this thing you’ve given me.  That’s why you bought it, after all.  I also realize that you assumed that since you loved it, I would probably love it, too.  And you may be right.  But you may also be very, very wrong.  Although we are family, we still have very, very different tastes.  Do me a favor: if you see something that you love and just HAVE to buy, do us both a favor and buy it for yourself, then get me something else.  I won’t tell anybody.

  • Christmas-themed objects, to be gifted when we finally get together in February-April.

Christmas-themed presents are fine.  They usually don’t take up a lot of space, and since they’re only appropriate for one season I get out of having to display them year-round.  But I really don’t like getting your Christmas-themed gift a month or two after Christmas, too late to do anything with it but lock it away for a year.  What I would like for those post-December get togethers: Spring-themed decorations, that I can put up in March or April.

  • “Lovingly handmade” artwork/crafts.

By which I mean “a painting on a slab of cardboard”.  Don’t get me wrong; handmade crafts are fine.  I love them, in fact, which is why everyone I know is getting them this year.  But I would very much prefer it if said objects were made to be both attractive and durable, not thrown together out of Popsicle sticks and wiggle eyes.  Make me a keepsake, please.

  • Earring/necklace jewelry sets.

Yes, they’re beautiful.  Yes, I love them.  But MY EARS AREN’T PIERCED, PEOPLE.  I’m pretty sure that you know this.  And as much as I appreciate the thought of the lovely necklace, I’d prefer that you spent the money on just the necklace and not the necklace plus stuff that I can’t use.

  • Bath sets.

Syera also covered this one.  See, I’m not a luxury bath person.  I’m a practical bath person; I bathe to get clean, not for pleasure.  And since I do this in a shower, I don’t have a lot of uses for bubble bath.  If you want to give me bath stuff, I would love to get bars of glycerin soap, because I go through those like the dickens, but body scrubs, lotions and loofahs are not particularly useful.

Stay tuned for a list of things that I DO want for Christmas.

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