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I want to get married in pants.

February 5, 2009

I figured this out today after reading Planet Green‘s Green Wedding Guide. In the guide, they rightfully point out that a pre-owned wedding dress is as green as they come, and that thrift stores were a great place to find this sort of thing.  As a female who is interested in marriage at some point and quite partial to offbeat weddings, I was mulling on how I might up the ante.  It occured to me that instead of buying a dedicated wedding dress, it would be much cooler – and more distinctive – to get all the parts of the outfit (top, bottom, shoes, etc.) seperately and coordinate.  (Note the word COORDINATE there.  Get stuff that looks awesome together and will give you a distinctive look.)

I spent a couple of seconds imagining the potential combinations when I realized: I already have the clothes I would want to wear in my closet.  They consist of a very classy white floral-print shirt and a pair of black pants.

The problem of a wedding dress has plagued me ever since I was old enough to figure out that I would probably get married someday.  When I was littler, I was particularly fond of the poofy white faux-satin dresses, but even then I knew they looked lousy on plus-sizes.  Growing older, I realized that I didn’t like them that much at all. I flirted with several designs, including a plain white piece with pink and purple and a dream-inspired dress entirely in purple, but nothing worked.  Nothing was me.

If I wore these pants – or indeed, any pair of nice black pants – it would save so much hassle.  I could coordinate them with any top I wanted, and they would be much more comfortable and practical to wear than a skirt.  Not only that, but I could use the pants again and again after the wedding – how much greener can you get than that?  Not only that, but they would make a definite statement about the kind of wife I want to be.  Not that I am a she-man, but I consider myself a “retro-feminist” – I plan to stay at home and raise children, but I expect to be treated as an equal of my husband.  Not only will I be rid with all the female-opressive stigma that I mentally associate with skirts*, but no longer will I upstage the groom with my insanely elaborate fashion.  (This is one thing that bothers me.  Women get all kinds of cool dresses; I dare you to name one groom who wore anything but a plain suit.  No points if he comes from Offbeat Bride.)

I think it’s ridiculous that women, who have achieved liberation in everything else, are still expected to wear skirts for all formal occasions.  I’ve started breaking the mold by wearing pants to funerals**, and it’s made me much happier (and more comfortable.)  I want to take it all the way.

*This goes back to the many Sunday mornings I’ve spent in church looking at people’s clothes.  Everyone acted like it was a Biblical commandment for the women to wear skirts.  Well, it turned out that it wasn’t, but everyone just expects you to wear one because you’re a Woman.

**Nice pants.  I’m not the kind of person who wears whatever lousy pants I have on hand.  I dress appropriately, and that’s it.

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