Wisdom from the experienced…

May 30, 2009

Everyone should have their heart broken at least once.  Not in a minor, “when-I-was-three-my-mother-wouldn’t-let-me-have-my-favorite-toy” way (though that also makes a good life experience, but in a major “I-was-in-love-and-he-didn’t-reciprocate” kind of way.

And when I say in love, I mean IN LOVE.  I mean that you get to the stage in your feelings where just being around them makes you smile and you want nothing more than to make them like you… and then keep going. Get to the point where your heart aches for that person, even though you know beyond all reasonable doubt that he/she will never love you back.  Pine over him/her for several years, even when you’re fed up and wish you could just get over it already.  Realize that he/she is overweight and has an acne problem and you still want him/her more than your favorite celebrity, and not in that way.  Listen to people telling you “it’s just a crush” and demand to know: IF IT’S A CRUSH, WHY DO I STILL FEEL LIKE THIS FIVE YEARS LATER?!

I had the misfortune of falling in love when I was eleven years old.  I kid you not.  I’d had a crush on the guy since I was seven.  But, owing to several circumstances, he didn’t feel the same way – a fact which continued to cause me anguish for nearly ten years, long after I had resolved myself to give up and get over him.  He was fat, he had torticollis, and his beard was horrible.  He was also intelligent, funny, and intensely entertaining to be around.

I consider myself “over him”, but I am by no means over the hurt.  I loved him like nothing else on Earth.  I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him – for ten years straight.  He thought of me as a dweeby friend.

So why the crap would I want everyone else to go through this?

Because, despite the emotional turmoil (which gets better, trust me), I learned a lot from the experience.  I learned what true love (not the sparkly, sugary, Disney edition) feels like.  I figured out what I really find important in someone.  And I learned something that most YA romance novels and movies seem to miss – that the first person you happen to like is not necessarily the one you’ll end up with.

And if they don’t start making movies about it, the only way to find out is to do it yourself.  (Besides, since I’ve gotten it out of my system early, I can spend my young adulthood doing more constructive things than angsting.  Like learning how to form stable platonic relationships.)


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